Grinding My Gears

Grinding My Gears: Slow Drivers And Murderers

Slow drivers and crazy aggressive drivers annoy you too? Here is my take on them.

The other day my fiancee had her second driving lesson. In all fairness she seems to have a talent for driving, which cannot be said for many other people who to my amazement have managed to obtain their driving license. The quote; “one rule for you, one for me” seems to be a popular one with many drivers, at least if you look at their behaviour on the roads. But what makes you an utter pillock on the road? There is no prerequisite guide book which some people follow because they want to be a dangerous nuisance on the road, right? Or have I just not found it yet?

Slower than allowed
Let me split up the masses and focus in on the driver who prefers to drive a lot slower than the speed limit is allowing him/her to drive. And when I say a lot I am talking about doing 90 or 100 km/h when you are allowed 120 or even 130 km/h. Apologies to my British and American friends, but it’s km/h and not miles per hour, its time you changed to metric 😉

Seriously though I have started paying attention to the type of cars and people that I overtake when they are doing 90 or 100 km/h, and there are two things that stand out:
1. its not just women (Ha, I know who would have thought), but men and women of all ages
2. the cars driven are not Lada’s or crappy 1-series Citroen or even 40 year old Volvo’s. Which makes you wonder why on earth you would be a danger on the road when your Mercedes c-class can easily do 100 or 120 km/h!!!

Can you imagine being at the airport at customs with 100 people around you and you decide to keep standing in the queue and not moving with the queue so a big gap appears, and you are desperately telling people that they cannot move past you to skip and fill the gap. Or a more graphic example, if you are about to make love with your wife and your stick has 9 inches of penetrating prowess, you however decide to only put it in for 6 inches and no further. That will certainly displease the Mrs, right? Make sure you get the correct hole though, not all women seem to like that. Anyway you catch my point right?
So please folks just push that accelerator and keep moving at a normal, non-dangerous speed!

Taking a corner or roundabout
Now I understand we do not all drive Ferrari’s and McLaren’s who do 0-60 in 3 seconds, but please people, can you please go a little faster when you are doing a 90 degree turn to the right or left when leaving the traffic lights? Lord Almighty, do people think they are driving a tank or hummer? Even when going around a roundabout some people seem to lose all logic and driving knowledge and forget to indicate, look or actually move across the roundabout in an orderly fashion. Again you people are endangering traffic with your stupendous driving. Sort it!

God complex guy (Audi)
Then we have the God-complex-guy (yes I have yet to encounter a woman doing this), mostly driving an Audi or BMW who thinks the rules do not apply to him. Just when you are driving along the motorway doing a 130 km/h (e.g. the max on that motorway) and then you have some flipping retard flashing his bright LED Audi lights at you while near kissing your rear bumper with his front! Which is especially interesting when in front of you there is no real space and cars are piling up the motorway, so even if I let him through he would be stuck behind the next car just 15 meters in front of me. But no Mr-God-Complex sees that as a victory and thus tries to overtake over the right hand lane. To which I sometimes accelerate just to block his path so he cannot overtake me. Which I know I should not be doing, but it just annoys the hell out of me!

What are these guys like in life? In their relationships? At the office? More importantly I wonder how many speeding tickets and traffic violations they get? Apparently not enough to stop them from doing this any further!? Well I think I have found the answer. Yes, by looking at the following clues I have deciphered their behaviour:
– speeding (always in a hurry, impatient)
– aggression
– generally well dressed men
– Audi/BMW

So what I concluded from the above? Well, these business men are serial killers who have their murder victim (prostitute/escort/mistress) in the trunk of their car and they are racing to a deserted woodland area of some sort to get rid of the body, before getting caught by the rozzers.

In conclusion; drive at the right speed and don’t be a turd!


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